So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
