Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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