Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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