just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She even gives head with a lisp.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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