im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
