Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
