so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
