She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
