Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
