Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
