I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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