A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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