I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize