C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
