I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
