What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
