sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
