So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
