she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
