I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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