I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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