Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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