Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
