o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
