It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
