roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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