He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
