I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
