trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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