You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
