We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize