If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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