I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Porn is love you can see.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
FUCK WHALES
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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