i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
