Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
