I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
