My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
