omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
