i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
