Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
