that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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