hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
