The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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