i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
