I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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