You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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