I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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