I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
