I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
