a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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