At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
