dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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