I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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