So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
