mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize