If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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