I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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