Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
