I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize