I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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