u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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