I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
