Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
