so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
