Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
