it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
