This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
