You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
