i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
